SF Giants: For Whom the Bell Tolls
By Jason Burke
Entering 2014 the San Francisco Giants could be deemed King Nothing, after fighting to stay out of last place in a bad division in 2013. Heck, the Giants two World Series victories since 2010 are The Thing That Should Not Be.
It has been brought to my attention that the San Francisco Giants have started pointing to the sky to celebrate, a la WWE’s Daniel Bryan and his “Yes Movement”. Funny, because the A’s fans in the RF Bleachers have been doing this for 2 years and counting now. So as retribution, this article is centered around Friday night’s “Metallica Night” at AT&T with an A’s slant, and No Remorse. It’s time to Fight Fire With Fire.
I’m not going to say that the A’s are Holier Than Thou, but watching a Giants’ game on TV is like (Anesthesia) Pulling Teeth. Sitting on the couch, I can just feel my Creeping Death while Kruk and Kuip drone on about a Load of who cares. One would think that Amy G would be the Cure to this, but alas I find out every time that I Wasted My Hate on Kruk and Kuip.
I imagine that the Giants’ Front Office has a Frantic meeting every Wednesday to come up with new ideas, and get Whiplash from looking to Oakland for inspiration. Maybe they use the A’s ideas because there is a little too much Whiskey in the Jar of their office, which is pushing them to the Frayed Ends of Sanity.
When I see Sergio Romo enter the game, I don’t think Enter Sandman. I think this is a time for the opposition to Re-Load and get some runs.
Let’s talk about the Master of the Puppets, GM Brian Sabean. He likes to reward the players that have captured World Series trophies for him, but ends up with a slew of Disposable Heroes, and they’re left with Damage, Inc.
The outlook for the 2014 Giants is in the Eye of the Beholder. Unless that person is Hunter Pence. You know, because of his eyes.
By season’s end the Giants will be Livin’ On A Prayer. Crap, wrong band.
Am I Evil? for writing this article? “Yes I am”.