Last night I unveiled some unprecedented classified information when I showed you all some of Santa Claus’s notes from his famous naughty or nice list. Turns out he’s a huge baseball fan and kept notes about the Oakland Athletics last season.
Since I’m such a nice guy (undoubtedly deserving of being on his nice list) I’ll fill you all in on some of the juicy details of what Santa thought of them. Last night we saw Yoenis Cespedes, Brandon Moss, and Grant Balfour make the nice list, while Jemile Weeks, Bartolo Colon, and Jesse Chavez made his naughty list. Tonight I’ll reveal 6 more Athletics and how they fared on his list.
NICE: Brandon Inge
“What else can I say? This guy was the personification of toughness. Watching him on television pop his dislocated shoulder back into place before getting a clutch hit was enough to get him on the nice list. But on top of that he delivered so many times with the bat and inspired total “Ingesanity” across the 510. His time with the Athletics might have been brief, but it made an impact. I’ll leave him a Major League contract with a chance to make a similar impact on another team in 2013 under his tree.”
NICE: Sean Doolittle
“This time last year Doolittle was just learning how to pitch. He started the 2012 season in A level Stockton and shot his way up through the minors to make it to Oakland. But his amazing season didn’t end there, he showed some serious dominance at the Major League level as well. A second season showing even more poise and dominance will be in the cards for Sean Doolittle in 2013, I guarantee that. I don’t know if I have to do much to help him out really, but since he’s so great I’ll leave him a slight uptick on his velocity under the tree.”
NICE: Jarrod Parker
“This guy was stolen from the Arizona Diamondbacks for Trevor Cahill, and that deal would have been a steal if it was just Parker who came to Oakland. Add in the fact that Ryan Cook was part of the trade as well makes it an all out fleecing. Parker showed that very same ace potential everyone expected to see from him. He started games 1 and 5 of the ALDS and didn’t embarrass himself one bit. I would really like to see him cut those walks down a bit, there’s nothing myself and the reindeer despise more than free passes. I’ll leave him a little fine tuning on the command of all his pitches under the tree, a little bit of that will send his career higher than we fly on Christmas Eve.”
NAUGHTY: Josh Reddick
“I’ll start this by saying his defensive skills are really impressive, and that cannon for an arm is great to watch. His power production at times was very impressive, but that profound slump he endured throughout most of the second half of the season was brutal to watch. He looked really lost at the plate. I want to see him stay out of those kinds of valleys next season so I plan on leaving him a nice little thing I like to call consistency under his tree, I may drop a hint of clutch hitting in his stocking as well for when he comes up with runners in scoring position.”
NAUGHTY: Coco Crisp
“Many might be surprised to see Coco on my naughty list, he was such a spark plug for the Athletics throughout the second half of the season. That is, when he was on the field. It was always something with Coco, ear infection, pink eye, sniffles, you name it. He needs to become more durable and dependable. He also seemed to sulk a bit early in the season when the A’s moved him to left field to make way for Yoenis Cespedes in center, and his play on the field and at the plate showed his displeasure. He needs to cut that out and be a team player all the way. I’ll leave Coco some attitude adjustment books and some One-A-Day vitamins to keep away those routine maladies under his surely flashy tree.
NAUGHTY: Derek Norris
“This isn’t totally his fault, he was thrust into a situation out of his control. While he did hit that amazing walk off home run against the San Francisco Giants who myself and Mrs. Claus really can’t stand, those big hits were few and far between. Personally I hold Norris responsible for the departure of my favorite player Kurt Suzuki, he was such a great member of the Athletics and it’s Norris’ fault that he’s gone now. I’m going to leave a puka shell necklace under his tree to always remind myself of Kurt and Norris better wear it, or I might have to send my friend the Easter Bunny after him in the Spring.”
I hope you all enjoy this inside look into Santa Claus’s insights as much as I enjoyed digging through them. I have a few more highlights from his notes I want to share with you all, and those will be revealed tomorrow, assuming of course there is still a world to reveal them to.